Giants Offseason Blog No.1- We Have A Coach

Hand up, I know next to nothing about this man. But hey, ABJG (Anything but Jason Garrett.) The fact that Garrett was even a rumor and many Giants fans, myself included, were frightened of that possibility just shows the state in which this organization is in. (Edit: He might get hired as the offensive coordinator, shoot me in the face.)

But let’s not focus on that, Schurmur is gone, and it’s a new day. Time to usher in the age of Joey Judge.

Since I have no idea who this man is, let’s do a quick google search and give some instant, irrational, unqualified, and uneducated opinions.

The Face:

Could be better. Could definitely be better. Feels like a hat or visor or some sort of head accessory is needed here, because I’m not getting great head coach vibes. I love a coach that doesn’t smile in his picture though, that’s a point in his favor. Big head for sure.. big head? Big brain. Fuck it 6.8/10 for the face.

These Next Pictures Though:

I’ve never been more aroused while staring at a picture of two middle aged white men standing next to one another in sweatshirts with scowls on their face as I am now. I’m convinced if Bill Belichick stands next to you then you already have a 35% advantage over any head coach he hasn’t stood next to and based in these pictures we have confirmation that he’s stood next to Judge on at the very least two occasions. And that bottom picture.. the arms crossed.. the slight smirks.. the eyes dead focused on the enemy. If I’m on the opposing sideline I quit immediately, that’s the energy I need Joe to bring to the Giants. I. Love. It. These Pictures- 10/10

The Random Facts I Can Find To Make Myself Feel Optimistic

One word: winner. Joey J wins and you don’t. I don’t want to overact to this but I’m giving him at least 75% of the credit for each of these championships. Random Facts- 10/10.

I have no idea how this is going to go. The benefit of hiring a first time head coach is you don’t have any failed seasons out there to discourage you, and you can spin it in your head that he may be inexperienced, but that means he hasn’t developed any bad habits. Plus, after the last two coaches as long as he makes it to a third season that’s a step in the right direction. So I guess what I’m trying to say is I have a great idea how this is going to go: Judge, Jones, Barkley, minimum 5 Superbowls. Book it.

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