Day Drinking: Two of the most exciting, yet dangerous, words in the English language. #RespectTheDayDrink
I am a defender of, and advocate for, day drinking. Think about it, who doesn’t love the daytime, and who doesn’t love drinking? It’s a match made in heaven. Critics of day drinking (boring people) often say things like, “Ugh I don’t know if I want to day drink, every time I do I end up not making it out that night.” You know how all your boring friends sound?
Now, I’m not saying they are boring because they won’t make it out after they day drink. That’s just part of the game. It’s like CTE and football players, you accept that risk going in but you can’t quit because you love the game too much. It’s literally the same thing as that. I’m basically a professional athlete. We’re getting off topic.
What I really mean when I call those people boring is that statements like that directly go against the essence of what being drunk before 4pm is all about, which is not planning ahead. People who are against day drinking because they want to plan what they are going to be doing eight hours in advance, and then save themselves for that plan, are the wrong kinds of people to day drink with. Day drinking is literally about not thinking further than 30 seconds ahead of the present moment, pushing back any and all responsibilities, refusing to intelligently and responsibly plan your day and night out, and letting your future self deal with any problems that may arise. It’s a beautiful thing.
I suppose I should address one of the biggest so-called “issues” with day drinking. You can easily find yourself laying on a couch and/or sitting on the floor with a pizza, scrolling through Disney Plus, watching episodes of The Suite Life of Zack & Cody—and getting swept up in emotional nostalgia for your childhood because you’re somehow equal parts drunk and hungover at 9PM—after a day of day drinking. Instead of, ya know, getting ready to go out.
Simply stated, we day drink, we get drunk, and then we don’t make it out at night. Some call this a problem. I do not. At this point in my life there is about a 50/50 chance I am make it out at night after a day of drinking. The funny thing is, I think this number drops instantly from like a 70% chance to 50% the day after you graduate college. I don’t know if there is magic, science, or god behind this phenomenon but it’s an undeniable fact. But the reason that 50% chance of not making it out doesn’t deter me from enjoying my daytime cocktails is because I respect the day drink. You have to, you must, you need to respect the day drink. What do I mean by this? Allow me to explain.
You day drink and you pass out at 6:30pm and wake up at 8:00pm with no desire to leave your house or apartment? By respecting the day drink we are able to see this as not a failure at all, but instead a success. We can do this by learning to embrace the beauty in the chaos (This is some moving shit, I think I would be a great pastor if I could start a church where I only preached topics that involve drinking.) The day drink was your fun for the entire day and sometimes that’s okay. If you can transition your buzz into the nighttime and keep the fun going, then you absolutely should. But sometimes it’s perfectly fine to have your fun in the daytime; Lay on your couch at 8PM in sweatpants; Text some ex’s; Watch some Drake & Josh on Hulu; And pass out face down before midnight. Respect the day drink.
Even though I clearly stated that day drinking is not about planning things out, there are some “do’s” and “dont’s” of day drinking I’d like to explore. The first two “do’s” are hydrate a ridiculous amount beforehand, and find food whenever you can. If you’re going to start drinking at noon, drink like six full water bottles between whenever you wake up and noon. Anything you can do to prepare your organs for the damage you’re about to do and limit the evening hangover is a must. Also, find food whenever you can. This is crucial advice for a day drink. Whether you’re at a house, or a bar, or a beach or wherever, if you have the opportunity to eat something: Do it.
Like I said there’s nothing wrong with day drinking all day and then not making it out at night, but, you don’t want to be the guy that can’t even make it to the end of the day drink and is puking before three. That’s not respecting the day drink. So, tap into your fucking hunter and gatherer roots and scavenge for food whenever possibly. My next tip is for people who actually do want to go out at night after a day drink, and it’s a controversial one. Naps are not your friend. Many people are advocates for the idea to get the nap in after the day drink and before the pregame at night. But speaking from my own experience, the nap is not the best way to go. The best way to go is to simply hold your buzz through those rough, weird, early evening hours. If I nap there is a very good chance I’m waking up and not wanting to move for the rest of the night. If you want to go out at night after day drinking you just have to power through. A nap will only hurt you.
I’m sure we all reach a point where we can’t day drink anymore. I’m only 23, so I haven’t reached this point quite yet. But, I’m sure with the passing of each year my body is going to start recovering slower and slower, and I’ll eventually reach the point where it’s just not worth it. So, my advice to the young people is have your fun while you can. If you’re in your early 20s don’t complain about being “so old” or look down on things that may be fun, but not totally responsible, all because you fancy yourself an adult now because of your entry-level job and shitty apartment. Because one day you’ll actually be “too old” so you don’t want to spend your 20s thinking you’re at that point only to inevitably actually reach that point. Which brings me to my advice for older folks: Don’t try to relive the glory days. If you’re in your late 20s, 30s, and beyond, trust me your college days are far behind you, and the best way for you to respect the day drink is to not participate in it.